life in colour

I think I actually uttered the words, "It's a beautiful day" on the bus this morning.

It's raining again, and freezing cold, the perfect day to be inside. I'm hoping this makes me more productive. I forced myself to get to uni for my earlier class so that I'd have to be up here for longer, I'm hoping that means I get more work done. I have a bucket load of things to do today.

My bus ride this morning was peaceful for once, I think I'm actually coming to enjoy bus rides. Especially at that time of the day, the sun still isn't quite up and all the street lights are on. Theres endless amounts of people walking up and down the streets, I love people watching, and the 7:33am number 23 is the best place for people watching. I liked that it was raining this morning, the cloud cover was so heavy there was no sign of the sun, depressing I know, but actually very calming. Rain drops on a window has always reminded me of a delicate piano piece, perhaps Gymnopédie No. 1. How can you not be calm when you're in that moment. The street lights and office lights and traffic lights were blurred by the falling raining and the condensation forming on the bus window; much like a piece of art.

There was a man on the bus this morning who initially freaked me out. He was big and burley and had a grey moustache. He was sitting opposite me and I could feel his eyes burning straight into the side of my face. I was feeling self conscious and sweaty, when I worked up the nerve to turn and face him he was smiling and making silly faces. Not at me but at the baby sitting in front of me. In the end I started giggling, the baby was giggling, the mum was giggling and so was he. It was like taking a deep breath in and out, it felt good, refreshing and vitalising. I took myself back a bit, was I actually experiencing significance in a such a simple moment?

Call me crazy, I'm actually really content right now. I'm seeing beauty in today, in the rain and wind and grey clouds. I got a piccolo from the coffee shop. Its like a miniature latte. I've never been much of a coffee drinker but the cute boy who works there has gotten me into it. How could I say no to the cutest little takeaway coffee cup? Also any excuse to make small talk about the weather with an attractive male is never a bad thing.

So my confidence is boosted today. Hopefully I'll get a lot of work done, although I can't see myself doing much after finishing an eight hour day. Gym was on the cards, but if I have to walk home in the rain I might not want to leave again. But I hope it stays rainy. Rain is really working for me today.

I was having a lot of deep moments last night. I wish I actually wrote some of those thoughts down. I just want to be creative and vibrant and complex, I want to see life in colour. A little while ago, last year when I was going through a similar predicament, I wrote a passage about how I had a strong desire to write, but nothing to write about because I saw the world in a far too simple way. Trying to stay in touch with the unconventional side of me is a struggle. But as I've mentioned before, staying in-touch with my inner self will help me stay on top of myself, in control even. If I can control whats going on inside myself then surely I can control whats going on on the outside? Today I've made some movements on that intention: ie the man on the bus and the colours I saw on a very grey bus ride this morning.

Anyways it's Monday, I have a lot to do, and I'm ready to start going through the motions.