hi grandad

Hi Grandad,

I feel like its been a while since we last spoke. Actually I can't even believe how long its been.
A lot has changed. I got offered that job at the Pullman, but I quit after my first day because I just couldn't handle it. I didn't realise it then but I had a whole lot more work to do to get myself better.
And I'm still not completely 100% better, but thats okay I don't think everyones perfectly okay all of the time.
But yeah, I'm back at uni. Things are going really great (with the exception of the last few days, but I'll get to that) I'm taking a philosophy paper and I loooooove it. Of course I straight away want to change my major; I can just see myself in 10 years sitting in a little apartment writing genuine philosophical essays for a journal. I've also been taking really good care of myself. I'm really enjoying the gym, I've gotten really into weightlifting and body building, I wish you could see how much my body has changed. You'd probably think I was a new person.

I think about that often actually, that your last memories were of a version of me that was very sad. That person feels so far from me. She was completely different to who I am now. She was lifeless and wretched. I wish I made those moments count for more.

I think you'd be proud of me. I'm trying really hard to hold it together, though I think the stress is getting to me and its making me more anxious than normal. Its getting harder to be passionate about life, at least the last few days anyway.

The last few days I haven't been taking very good care of myself, and ultimately its made me feel really down. I just needed to talk to you, I need to remind myself of one particular moment in the hospital. Everyone left so you and I could chat privately, and you held my hand. I cant remember the words specifically but you told me that I'm worthy. That I am beautiful and talented and can get so much from the world if I just believed in myself. That I am hard working, and honest and genuine, and I deserve to be happy. I have to think back on to that moment in the hospital from time to time, to keep me grounded. No one has ever sat me down and looked me in the eyes and told me those things.

You are a large part of my motivation, I feel like I just needed to touch base with you and reintroduce you to my life. I want to keep making you proud every day.
So thats what I'm going to do.

Lots of love,
From Anna